'Tis the Season

I"ve been doing a lot of thinking now that school is out until the new year. What I've come to realize is that time goes by so fast! I cannot believe it is already Christmas time again. Can you? It's been a whole year of adventures and now is the time for reflection and appeciation for the blessings that we've been given. For instance:

1. This year I've had the opportunity to continue with my schooling. I've finished two full semesters and two full summer terms. That's a lot of schooling! And I'm grateful for the opportunity to go and finish my education. It means a lot to me.
2. This year we've moved into a bigger place. It sure is nice to have more room. I really like our apartment and hope that I can finish decorating so that it looks more like a home!
3. Two of my brothers have done amazing things this year. My brother, Dan, has gone into the Army. I'm so impressed by his determination. And now he has his own little growing family! It's wonderful how far he's come. My other brother, Ben, is currently serving a misison in Ghana right now! How cool is that? I try to write him each week and see how he's doing. It amazes me to see how much his testimony has grown and howmuch work he has done. I love hearing from him!
4. We've had some additions to our family! Our first addition has been our amazing son Hudson. I can't believe that he'll be one in a few weeks! It's really flown by. Watching him grow and learn has been such a joy. He's the sweetest child and I love him so much. Our other addition has been Jonathan's sister. She has really brought a unique dynamic into our home. I'm grateful that she's here and hope that she's having a good time out in Utah. It's been fun having her out here.
5. There have been some notable losses to our family. First, in February we said goodbye to my uncle. It was a really hard event for my father to see his brother go, but we know that he is in a better place. I'm so grateful to have him as a member of my family. The other loss was in July. My grandfather passed away around the fourth after a brief illness. He was such a wonderful grandfather and I love and miss him. This has been a really hard year for my Dad. I know that he loves his family so much he knows how we will always be a family forever.

And what's on the horizon? There are a lot of things that will happen this coming year. Hopefully we'll remember the reason for the season and keep our perspective on Christ's love and sacrifice for us. No matter what happens this year, if we have the Lord in our hearts, we can overcome all things...

And that's all I have to say on that! :)

Things I'm Grateful For:

It seems fitting that I should discuss my gratitude during this month of thanksgiving. There are so many different thigns that I'm grateful for and I hope that I can capture all of them for you.

1. I'm grateful for my family. We're loud, large, and fun. We're happy and we love one another without reserve. I know that I can always count on my family to be there for me. I think I have more true friends in my family than anyone else. I'm thankful for the experiences they've share with me and I know that many more await!

2. I'm grateful for my husband. I don't know where I would stand without him sometimes. He sees me in a light that I cannot see myself. He loves everything about me and strives to show me how important I am (especially when I believe otherwise.) I'm thankful everyday for the joy he brings me.

3. I am grateful for my children. They are such joys to be around. They are so happy and give me so many blessings that I feel so overwhelmed by the love that I receive from them. I can't understand why I am so fortunate to have three amazing children who love me unconditionally. They truly are a treasure beyond worth.

4. I am thankful for the friends who love me and have inspire me throughout our friendship. They are a part of my family and will remain that way forever. I love each of them with my whole heart. You--my dear and darling friends--don't understand how much I truly cherish your friendship and love and how amazing you are. You have blessed my life in so many ways. I am forever and eternally grateful and honored to have had the time to know you. Thank you for being my friends.

5. I am thankful for the gospel and my Lord and Savior. I have been so blessed and honored by the Lord. My heart is full of humility for his never ending love and his sincere knowledge of who I am as an individual. I am so thankful that he has taken the time to know who I am. And I am humbled by his sacrifice on my imperfect behalf. I don't know where I'd be without my faith in eternity and my gospel and Heavenly Fahter. they complete who I am.

A Sense of Gratitude.

Sometimes I have to wonder about life. There are so many twists and turns that it is often hard to wrap my head around what is going on around me. Call it stress, or simply life, but no matter how you look at it, it is complex, no? Well at least that's how I feel.

Which makes me even more grateful for the fact that I have an anchor to keep me grounded. Through all the tough times, the hard times, the stressful times, the happy times, the sad time, you name it. I have something that always keeps me level and brings me home: The Lord. How many people forget that they are children of God? How many people believe that there is no one out there to hear them when they cry or when they feel pain? How many believe that no one understands? Too many.

Too many times people neglect the awesome power of prayer and the comfort of the Lord. Too many times do they forget how special and amazing they are. Too many times do they believe what others tell them: "You aren't good enough," "You're so annoying," "You're worthless." They aren't true. No matter who tells them to you, you are worth something! You are special! You are amazing and wonderful and unique! No one could ever replace you. Never stop to consider their words.

The Lord, my anchor, helps me realize these things. When I am in the gall of bitterness and sadness; when I feel as though I'm alone and no one might understand me feelings; when the world seems to be moving a mile a minute and I can't draw a breath, I have to remind myself of who I am. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me, who hears me, who KNOWS me, who listens, and who will never reject me. No matter how stupid my problems may be, no matter how undeserving I am of his love, he is always there. And for that I am eternally grateful.

It's hard sometimes to feel loved. I'm a perfectionist and when I feel as though I've let my Lord down, I harbor so much pain and regret. What I've discovered, slowly, though is that He loves me all the same. He forgives me so much quicker than I forgive myself. He's far kinder than I am to myself. Why should I feel so terrible when he pours out so much love? It's a slow process but I'll get to the point, one day, when I can trust him before myself, and have a higher opinion of my personal worth. One day.

For now, I take comfort in the knowledge that I am loved, despite my faults.

Thoughts

Yes, I realize that I said that I'd update sooner. However, life has been super hectic and I've been so busy trying to keep up with it all! We welcomed Jonathan sister into our new apartment. And all I can say is that it's been a blast having her here. She's going to be finishing up her high school education here in Utah and then apply to go to U of U or BYU or UVU. She's not completely certain about that yet. She's certainly smart enough to get into any school she chooses.

Also, we've been unpacking, organizing, and getting ready to send my brother off on his mission (but I'll post more about that soon so I don't get all teary-eyed right now). So, sorry for the sparse updates. I'm going to be taking pictures here in the next few days of our apartment and the progress that we've made so far.

That's all I really have for now. I promise to post again soon.

Packing, Working, Writing, Mommy-ing (?)...

Can you say that life is hectic? We've been so busy around here that I've hardly had a moment to sit and think let alone write! Thankfully I got something written yesterday! (yeah you probably aren't as enthused as I am about that) and I've had a very productive (though rather tiring) week. I've gotten all of our baby clothes that Hannah can't wear and the ones that Huddy has outgrown put into a space back and compressed neatly into a small block. That was a lot of clothing to go through I'll tell ya! But, it will be useful for whenever we decide to have more children, or if I decide to donate them. They are safe and dry and that's all that matters.

The reason I went through the clothing is because we're moving. We're only going across town, but we still ahve to go through the whole spiel of packing and sorting. It's rather annoying and frustrating, but it's a good way to get organized I suppose. We've also been having people come by throughout the week to look at our house. That's a rather unusual feeling really; complete strangers walking in on your life and picking apart whether or not they want to take over your home. Weird eh?

And schools been pounding down fiercely. I had two big tests this week and tons of assignments that needed to be handed in. It's been a lot of late night study session, homework sessions, research sessions, and moments of prayer where I needed to search for inspiration and motivation. It's been a long and fruitful, if not challenging week.

On the plus side, it's FRIDAY! Hooray. I still have tons to get done but I have my awesome babies to help me...it shall be an adventure!

Next post will probably detail our move. So be on the look out for that!

Precious

Sometimes I feel like I can't get enough of my kids...and that I don't show them often enough how much they mean to me. Today, for instance, they were cranky and stubborn and I was frustrated at many points in the evening. I was trying to have a Family Home Evening lesson with them and Liam wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. But, we suffered through it and then off to bed they trotted. But, as I was sitting here, watching a video about how we are all children of God, I felt this sadness creep over. How much time do I really spend with my children? Are they happy with me as their mother? I sure hope so. I want to be the best mother I can be for them. I know I don't always give them the time they deserve, but I've made a promise to make sure they know each and every day how much they mean to me and how much I love them.

They are too precious to me. And I know that I am greatly and eternally blessed to have this opportunity to be their mother. I just pray that I'm adequate!

I love this video. I Am a Child of God and so are you.

A Heavy Heart

I'm sitting here, not sure of what to write, but knowing that I NEED to write. But not to fill a quota; I need to write to express my deepest sorrow and sweetest joy for a man that I love beyond words. My Grandfather. My dear sweet grandfather, Julius Michael Cserepes passed away this evening after finding out a few weeks ago that he was ill with cancer. This came shortly after my grandmother, his wife, was released from the hospital after having a tumor removed. And this comes a mere 5 months to the day that my uncle passed away. And try as I might to reconcile the fact that I knew that he was going to pass very shortly, the pain is still there. I love my grandfather so dearly and I know that he's in a better place. I just wish I could have told him that I loved him one more time.

I have so many fond memories of my grandfather. I think one of my favorites is a compilation of several instances. Each time that my grandfather saw us, he always commented on how beautiful his granddaughters were. He always made sure we knew the he loved us and that he thought we were all beautiful young women. He was such a sweet man. And in many ways reminds me of my father, who always tries to make sure that we know how special we are to him. I think they both tried to do that.

Forgive me for being sentimental. I just needed to tell someone how much I love my dear grandfather and how terribly I'll miss him. I know I'll see him again and when that day comes I'll be sure to take him in my arms and hug him so closely to me and tell him to his face how much I love him and how grateful I am that he is my grandfather.

I love you grandpa forever and always. May you rest in peace.

Another One Bites the Dust!

Hooray! As of 3:30 today I took my last final for the term! Whoo! Needless to say that I'm excited. Last night I had a migraine and was stressing out about getting my final finished. I couldn't even sit up without my head throbbing terribly. Thankfully things calmed down a bit for me and I was able to get some sleep, though Huddy decided to wake up at three wanting to play. However, I finished! Commence with the partying!

I start the summer term on Monday, so I better enjoy this little break while I have the chance eh? By catching up on blogging, writing, and reading an amazingly tempting book that's been sitting on my shelf since my hubby brought it home for me. I'm one step closer to graduating! I can almost taste the victory! Many people think I'm crazy for trying to do this with three small children, and they may be right, but I feel like it's something I NEED to do. Hopefully I will succeed eh?

In other happy news, my babies are wonderful and I love them. Huddy is so big now! He's trying to scoot all over the place! And Liam and Hannah never cease to amaze me with their intelligence and their capacity to learn. They are so smart! I'm debating on whether or not to enroll Hannah in pre-school come the fall...we shall see eh? Right now they are enjoying the sprinkler ring we bought to enjoy. They are having a blast this summer!

I will update again later, just thought you'd like to know how I've been feeling and what we've been up to!

Slacking...again.

What else is new right? It seems that I never have enough time to breathe let alone post on here! Life has been too interesting lately but I promise that I will try to update as frequently as I can. I'm so wrapped up in school, parenting, and being an author that I feel so drained by the end of the day! Not really fair to you guys who actually take the time to read what I post....even when I ramble on aimlessly for awhile.

So, let me just cut to the chase here, I'm going to update everything! I promise I will. I haven't updated in a month...sad really. I promise to catch you up. And I promise to keep writing on my writing blog for those of you interested in that. Just be on the look out for a new revamped site to enjoy! Anyway,

Salut mes amies!

Contemplating Things

You know, I really should post more often, especially when fascinating thoughts enter my head like this one:

"The Lord has called us in our weakness, but he qualifies us for his work."

Seriously, Joseph Smith is pretty awesome. That one simple phrase has really struck me this week and made me reevaluate certain things in my life, like the fact that I don't think I'll ever be qualified to do anythings special or magnificent in this church. Well, forget that! Joseph said that any one of us is capable of great things. The Lord takes care of our short comings and qualifies us to perform his work. I guess I never really thought about the significance of that statement. I mean how else would he be able to get anything done? NONE of us are perfect...nope not even the Prophet (though he's probably closer than most of us) and we shouldn't expect to be perfect if the Lord doesn't expect it! Goodness and here I've been fretting over the fact that I make mistakes (I'll probably continue to do that but, at least it's a little less harsh for me to realize I'll never be perfect). The Lord loves me and my imperfect knowledge, and faith and actionsn. He loves me for me. He just loves ME!

The Accident That Was...

Awhile back I wrote about an accident that we were almost involved in, right before the end of the semester. And it was one of those heart pounding, adrenaline pumping moments where things seem almost eerily crystal clear. Not necessarily something you want to repeat right? Well, unfortunately for Jonathan, that wasn't the case.

Monday night, I was home with the kids, a major migraine plaguing me. I had just gotten off the phone with Jonathan who was leaving work from W.V. He was heading to the gym and just told me to go to bed and that he'd be home eventually. So, I decided to rest my eyes and lay down on the couch (I still had homework to finish). About an hour later I was jostled awake by my phone vibrating next to me. Jonathan was calling. Blearily I picked up the offensive device and answered.

"Don't be mad please," were the first words out of his mouth. Instantly I was wide awake. For him to say something like that isn't normal.

"I was in an accident." Those words sent shock waves through me. I instantly started to panic asking if he was alright and what was going on.

"I'm fine. The car's ruined, but I'm okay. I'm sorry. I love you."

He was calling to get a ride home from the Walmart parking lot. He had been getting off the interstate and had noticed that the light was green, but as he glanced away momentarily, the light had changed and by the time he had registered that the light was no longer green, it was too late. He swerved to avoid the oncoming truck, but the poor car was slammed. Needless to say Jonathan felt like an idiot (the poor guy). He tried to call me several times (sorry I was unconscious) and filled out the information and had the car towed and exchanged insurance information with the other driver, who thankfully only suffered minimal damage to his 2004 GM Sierra (Whew!).

When I picked him up, after loading three extremely tired and cranky children into the car, Jonathan looked at me with a face of chagrin and profusely apologized over and over again.

"It doesn't matter," I replied quietly. And it didn't Not to me.

"It doesn't matter to you that I just made a fool of myself and ruined my car? I'm really sorry." He was clearly upset.

"No it doesn't matter to me Jonathan. The car is replacable. It's just a car. There's only one thing that isn't replacable to me. You." I squeezed his hand gently and gave him a smile.

But of course that didn't stop him from apologizing the ENTIRE way home! Silly husband. He was even worried about the other driver (who was in the bigger, NEWER, vehicle!). What a goof. But I love him.

So the moral of this little story is that our perspectives really to influence our outlook on life. If I had been focused on the fact that the car was ruined and that Jonathan made a mistake, then yes I would be mad. But, that's not the most important thing. Not to me anyway. Jonathan Henry Lawrence Spooner is far more important to me than any object on this earth. He's not replacable. He's my HUSBAND, and he is the only hting I cared about in that moment. Christ taught that we should love one another and hold onto that love and show it as often as possible. I think he realized just how fleeting life is for us and how we need to treasure those precious moments and strive to always show love to one another. You never know when something might happen to change life as you know it. I got a big eye opening experience from that. Thankfully he wasn't hurt and thankfully the Lord was looking out for him. But, I know that I will try to treasure every moment I have with him and thank the Lord every day for bringing him to my life.

The downside to all of this? Well we spent around $1,000 getting that car fixed...sigh...I guess the Lord has his own ways of telling us that we need to not drive it anymore! :) Well...at least I get to hug my husband...that's the most important thing!

Oh and P.S. He told that cop "my wife is going to kill me." and the cop and the other driver just sat there and laughed at him. Pretty classic.

Yep Tardy Again...

Well it's official...I'm a failure at this! Sheesh. I said I would update everyday and I've let you down! Alas...but I shall strive to be better...I suppose I could say that my blog writing is very humanistic. It's imperfect, ya know? Make sense?  No? Oh well...

Things around here have been interesting. We celebrated our 4th anniversary on the 28th. Isn't that so strange?! I cannot believe that we have been married for four years! It seems like only yesterday we got married. Only, if you look at the fact that we have three kids it sorta makes sense right?

I've also started school again. Taking French and Religion 327 is wonderful. It's not nearly as strenuous as the other classes I took last semester. It is still demanding, but I can handle it (at least right now). I've already taken a test and writen a short essay. Talk about productive! At least I'm getting one thing done right?

And the kids? Well they are getting so big and they are extremely smart! Hannah is so vocal. She speaks so weel and is so creative! She's learned to paint her nails (for a three year old she does amazingly). And Liam is getting so good with his words. I'm teaching him a bit of French and he's loving it. The other day I got him to say "Bonjour!" and "What da heck!" It was hilarious! And Hudson is just as cute as ever! He's so great at standing up with help and sitting like a big boy. He's also gotten really got at "talking" and giggling. It's so sweet and I love it! We've also started him on cereal this week because his appetite has gotten bigger. I think he may be growing...either way he's liking it.

Well that's all I have for now! I will write tomorrow! HOPEFULLY...

My Amazing Children

You know that everyone brags about their children. I suppose it is just a given right considering we brought these little creatures into the world and they have amaging genes and so why would we brag right? Well this is what the post will be about. If you don't want to hear about my wonderfully awesome children I ask you to stop reading now.

For those of you brave enough to continue forward with reading I present you with some of the reason my children are so talented and amazing:

Hannah has learned how to control the television. I don't mean that she can simply turn the thing on and off by pushing the button. Oh no my dear readers! It extends far beyond that! Hannah knows how to work the remotes. She can turn the television and blueray player on an off as well as push pause, play and adjust the volume when she wants. She's three..only three! What a smart little girl I have!

Liam is so crafty! He can get just about any container open. Frequently I have found him sitting in the kitchen with open boxes and jars, eating delicious treats from within. He also knows how to close said boxes back up and put them away again. Sometimes I'll find open boxes sitting where closed boxes used to be. I guess he realizes that if he gets caught he will be in trouble eh? And he's right, when I find the open boxes after the fact, it's more cute than it is annoying. what a fun little guy he is!

And Hudson is just so dang amazing! He can roll over both on his tummy and on his back, he can push himself onto his arms, he can sit and stand propped only a little bit, and he is scooting is big circles attempting to crawl. He also is very vocal. He jabbers all the time and laughs and makes adorable noises.  He's only four months old people! The doctor said that he's acting like a sixth month old would instead of a four month old and she was so excited by his strength and ability to balance himself and his motor skills wtih grasping and his constant talking.

See, I told you they are awesome children. But I think that all children are amazing, not just my own. I have pretty darling little ones, but so do all of my friends who have children. It's just a wonderful blessing to have smart little creatures teaching YOU about life and the joys it brings. I love it! :)

Easter

Yes I realize that I'm absolutely terrible at writing lately...sad I know. Especially since I want to do this professionally. It's rather pathetic really. I suppose I attribute it to just wanting a few days of rest before I head back to school. I finished my semester this last week and it's sort of an amazingly wonderful thing to not have homework to attend to right now...at least until Tuesday when I head back towards pursuing my degree. Some people might call me crazy. And most days I'd side with them. I am certifiably crazy for attempting this. But you know what? Life is crazy! We do things like this all the time. That's what makes it so exciting!

Easter was fun. Rather I should say that Easter was and interesting experience. I made a fun dinner of flan steak with bacon and caramelized onions. Yum! We tried something different simply because I couldn't find lamb or ham to cook. Strange right? Yeah that's what I thought.

The kids weren't happy though, that's for sure. When you have church at one it sorta ends up that way each week. But the day was still fun. The kids got their baskets and were thoroughly pleased about them. We had also colored the eggs the night before and Hannah had a ball doing that. Liam was asleep because he had had a really rough day.

But the reason for easter is not for the eggs of chocolate or candy or anything of that nature. Easter is a celebration of the resurrection of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And I am eternally grateful for that. Without his love and sacrifice I would have no hope of ever having my family around me for all eternity. what a joyful and peaceful feeling that brings me. I have hope.

And today, I've just been trying to relax; soak up the last few moments of my freedom before I head back to school. I know that sounds a lot harsher than I really intend it to sound. I really do enjoy school. It's exciting and I love learning. But sometimes getting homework done can really take its toll on you. Maybe I am crazy for pursuing this eh?

Anyway I realize that this is sort of scattered and random...aren't all my posts? But that's all I have for now. My ear is still bothering me (it's been like this for over a week and a half now) and I'm getting rather tired. I should pursue getting some sleep. That sounds lovely. Only...the characters in my head are begging me to expound upon them. What to do...what to do...hmmm...

Here's a question for you though before I go: do you actually enjoy my writing? Is it something that is done well or is it simply just "blah" ? Do you think I could make it as a professional writer?

LIfe...

Life is a funny thing. The other day Jonathan and I sat down to watch a show. It turns out this was one of the worst things that we could have done. The show ended up being about a little boy who dies and is a ghost stuck on earth. He had returned to the family car that had stalled on the railroad tracks...and just thinking about that makes my heart hammer in my chest.

Naturally my reaction was not pleasant. I insisted that we move and I sat on the couch and cried like a small, emotional teenager...what a natural reaction right? Well for me it was. I'm a mother and seeing anything happen to a child really bothers me. I couldn't ever live with losing my children. I don't know if I could survive that. My babies are my world. I love them with every fibre of my being and it makes my heart ache to even consider the dangers that are out there.

Needless to say, after the show, I had to go and give my little ones kisses.

Another story that really hurt me was about the little 4 year old boy who was playing with his family at Utah Lake and fell into the water. He was 4. My little Hannah is 3. A thing like that could happen to her...or Liam. he's brave and adventurous. So many things could happen.

I know, however, that despite the types of pain it would cause, I couldn't deny the love that the Lord has for me. I know that I would see them again and be able to always have them near me. But...it doesn't make it any easier to think about...

And so I try not to. The children and I live for the moment. We enjoy each other's company and we strive to be a happy family.

Forever and Always.....

Getting Back into This...

I know that I said I would be more consistent and try to write everyday? Yeah...well like gets hectic...that's the excuse I'm using. Though I do intend to continue writing on a frequent and consistent basis. By doing that I will be able to update my life for those of you interested in knowing what's going on around here.

And so, here's a little update...and by little I mean very concise considering it's almost one o'clock in the morning and I should be attempting to get some sleep!

Here's a little breakdown of the last week for you:

1. I finished my semester! Yes! That's so exciting right? Well I think it is! And this is what I was thinking and feeling when I got done:

2. My brother Ben got his mission call and he's heading to: Ghana! How awesome right? I mean it's so amazing that he was called to serve there.

3. My little sister (well she's taller than me now) is doing the heptathalon! Talk about inspiring. She's an amazing track star and I absolutely love watching her run! Her least favorite event right now is the 800 and here's what I have to say to that:

And finally number 4: I'm working on my novel again! Hooray! Yay! That's wonderful (alright you may not think it is, but I certainly do!)

Wish me luck with this coming week! I have finals! But after that it should be a pleasant Easter weekend!

Another Semester Down!

Hooray! I've finally made it through the semester! It's been a wild and exciting (and often stressful) ride. But I have prevailed! Thanks to the support of my husband, my children, and my Heavenly Father. I know that I cannot do anything significant without his help. And he's truly helped me this semester! I am so thankful for that!

So, hopefully I will be updating more now that I have a little less on my plate! At least for a little while that is...anyway, I'm looking forward to going to bed without the thoughts of papers and tests looming over my head...well at least until finals week officially starts!

Wish me luck!

The Accident That Almost Was

Today has been quite an interesting day! First, I had the opportunity to go see an opera performed at the Metropolitan Opera House. They were doing a live broadcast through the cinemark theaters and I was fortunate enough to be able to go an see "Le Comte Ory" by Rossini. It was fabulous. Well, at least what I saw was fabulous. Weather, or something, prevented the reception of the satellite feed to go through. It stalled and cut out during the first act. All I can say is: Le Sigh...

And then, my family decided that we would go and see one of the live animal shows being shown at the Monte L. Bean museum. It was great. The kids got to see a tortoise, a monitor lizard, and a boa! They even got to touch the snake, which Liam thought was so cool. He was so excited! It was really cute to see. Hannah on the other hand wasn't too keen on seeing the animals. She was kind of afraid of them.

But after the show, as we were  heading home, things really got interesting. As we were turing at the intersection of 500 and Bulldog, a blue car came blasting through the red light and nearly slammed into us. Thankfully Jonathan was observant enough to slam on his breaks and honk his horn at the nonobservant lady. However, it was too late. She ended up blowing past us and slamming into a car that was also turning, but from the opposite side of us. Both cars spun and the blue car jumped the median. It was a heartpounding, frightening moment. We ended up calling 911 and filling out a police report. It was a rather weird experience for me. I've never been in an accident. This is the closest I think I've ever come to one. But, one thing is for sure: someone was definitely looking out for my little family. And I'm forever greatful for that love. I'm so thankful that nothing happened to us. If that car would have hit us the driver's side would have been damage. Hannah, Jonathan, and Hudson are all on that side. My heart drops just thinking about what could have happened. I'm so thankful they're okay. I'm so grateful for everything that has been done to preserve my sweet and amazing family. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for looking out for us.

Sick

Yep it's official...I'm ill. :( Sad day...It started on Tuesday evening when I told Jonathan that I "felt funny." I woke up the next morning and things have gotten progressively worse. Right now my ears are bothering me and I just want to curl up on the couch...

Depressing I know...

I just want to feel better soon. I have lots to do this week! :)

On a much happier note, my little ones are cute and insanely adorable and I love them so very much. They are sweet and kind and loving...even when they are goofy and cranky and upset. I'm grateful to have them and I'm so thankful that I'm their mother.

Stressful Day

Today was one of those days. How many times have you heard that statement? "one of those days." And the sad things is, is that we ALL know what that statement refers to. "One of those days" represents any day in which our lives seemed to be turned completely upside down; where nothing seems to go right and where you simply want to scream until your lungs burst. At least that's what it's like for me.

The kids were super cranky today. Nothing made them happy at all. They were angry and upset and just wanted to make messes and scream and fight. It was emotionally and physically exhausting. Not that I really blame them. The poor little ones didn't get the chance to take a nap because we had to go to the doctor's office for me. On a good note, they were excellent at the doctor's. It was only once we got home that there was a problem.. And so, they went to bed VERY early. Not that they seemed to mind. In fact, they seemed to welcome the rest. For which I think we are all grateful.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I'm sad that they were so upset and unhappy. But, it is tiring. Sometimes I think we all just need a break. Don't you agree?

Long Days Ahead of Me and Behind

Today has been a hectic day. I've been under the weather with a crummy earache and what appears to be a cold and the little ones were in rare form, Hannah especially. She was so upset and refused to take a nap much to my dismay. I was hoping to get a little rest before they went full speed on me again! But she just wanted to go outside and play. Liam and Hudson were relatively good and happy throughout the day. But poor Hannah needed some cheering up.

So, I loaded the children into the car and we went on an adventure. We drove by the Provo Temple and then went around town a little bit. The kids had a great time. Hannah was a lot happier because of this little adventure. And I was grateful for that!

After our little excursion, we went to the store and picked up some treats to enjoy when we got home. Hannah wasn't too thrilled about being home but the treats convinced her to give it a try...so my two older children enjoyed watching Tangled and eating yummy treats while I took care of Hudson.

Overall, the hecticness of the day was outweighed by the joy that spending time with my children brought. It was great to see their smiling faces and to share those moments with them.

A Fun Day

Spending today with the kids was hilarious...I have to say my little ones are quite the characters.

Yesterday I had purchased some oreos for their snacks and today, while we were munching on the yummy treat, the kids decided that they only wanted to eat the cream. They'd lick off all the filling and then place the two halves of the cookie back together and then give it to me. What goofy kids!

And then, I took them next door to the elementary school to go play on the playground and they shrieked and ran and fell down and squealed with delight. They had an absolutley lovely time. It was so cute to see! But they will really funny in how excited they were to climb up to the slide. Each time they did it, they'd jump and say yay! Liam would clap before he'd go down. It was quite the thing to see.

I loved spending time with them. It's a blessing to be able to watch my children grow up and to share experiences with them each day. I love it and wouldn't change a thing.

I'm Blessed...

I'm so blessed to have a family. I'm so blessed to be a part of such a great church. I'm so blessed to be in this time and this place. I have so much to be grateful for.

With conference this last weekend, I've had a lot of time to contemplate the great blessings in my life. And I truly have more than I could ever hope or dream to be granted. I've been so blessed on so many levels, it's almost staggering to realize it.

I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He truly has blessed me in so many ways. He has given me an amazing family who loves me for me. They see me as something special and I could not ask for more than that. And yet, they show me an abundance of love and consideration that far exceeds what they need to do. I don't know how I got so lucky.

I am also so blessed to be where I am today. I have the opportunity to go to school and become something better each and every day. I have the opportunity to set the right example for my children and finish with I've started; to show my little ones that anything is possible. And the Lord has truly done that for me. He has given me the means by which I am able to accomplish things. I am so thankful for that.

I am so blesed and so thankful for all the wonderful things that I have. I truly cannot comprehend anything more splendid than the love and joy that I have the opportunity to experience.

Conference Day 2

Ahhh we're on day 2 of General Conference! And can I just say that it was a splendid few sessions that I was able to listen to. I was really impressed by many of the speakers and felt the spirit testify on so many different subjects.

Now there were quite a few messages in the sessions, but one that really struck me was the suggestion for more service within our lives. Being willing to serve is a Christ-like attribute that we all need to be better at. We need to put off selfish desires and follow Christ's example if we ever hope to see him again. Of couse this subject went hand in hand with the concept of welfare. And the two are so truly important to our savlation.

Conference: Day 1

Well so far so good. From what I can gather from the first few sessions of General Conference  is that it seems to be really focusing on the family. Something that I think we all need to remember. Family is such a central part to our eternal salvation, it seems natural to talk about it and emphasize the fact that it is so necessary to happiness. I'm really glad that the focus seems to be there right now.

And it makes me excited to hear what they will say tomorrow. I wonder if there will still be the same trend in talking about family, or if there will be a new theme that will be discussed. Either way it's bound to be good.

Another great thing that was discussed during conference was the fact that three new temples were going to be constructed! Talk about exciting! I'm stoke for that.

Also, it was really fun to see Cecil O. Samuelson speak today during conference. He's the president of BYU and it's kinda fun to see him in different positions such as being a member of the 70. It's was fun...not to mention he gave a really great talk.

I think, however, that my favorite talk so far was Russell M. Nelsons. It made me cry listening to him. The crying was a good thing though! His talk just made me think about how special we all really are in this world. We are all children of God and we are all so important...and that's something I tend to forget. I think a lot of women do that. But we are all special..and the Lord recognizes how amazing we are...we just need to remember that too!

It's Already April?!

I cannot believe that it is already April! Time is just flying by...it's kinda sad...everyday I see my little ones getting bigger and more curious about the world and it makes me almost cry. I love how they are growing and learning, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I wish I could just stop the clock for a little while and just hug my babies.

And time doesn't seem to be slowing down any...so I'll have to figure something out!

Anyway, I'm grateful that tomorrow is General Conference...I do have a lot of homework to get done this weekend and next week, but I think that General Conference will be just the ticket to get me in the right spirit. There are a lot of things that I'm feeling, but I think that if I remain prayerful I will gain so much from tomorrow and Sunday. It's sad though, because I won't get to see my sister in her track meet which is also tomorrow. But, school comes first right now and she understands that...but here's a shout out to my sister! GOOD LUCK ASHLEIGH! YOU'LL DO AWESOME!

I'm so grateful for friends and family. Without you guys I don't know where I'd be. Thank you for all your love and support and your encouragement. You keep me motivated and help me appreciate myself more each and every day. You truly are amazing blessings to me.

A love affair

Alright, I confess...I'm in love...It's a great an amazing love that leaves me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I think about my love all the time. I can hardly comprehend life without them.

This love is so rich and pleasant. I love the feeling get whenever I'm with my love...

Of course this love comes with a price. It is costly to keep this affair going. My checkbook suffers sometimes because of my insatiable appetite for love.

Not to mention the physical traits that are altered from love. Sheesh...but sometimes it's worth it...this love cannot be denied...

Oh my love, our countless midnight meetings...I taste you on my lips...

my darling precious...

Chocolate...

Thinking:

I'm sitting here, at one thirty in the morning, "Monk" is on the television and a half-filled page is type up...I need to finish my paper by ten this morning. Talk about tiring...But that's a great thing I suppose. To be able to work and progress in my schooling is wonderful....

Sometimes I feel as though I'll never make it through school. I know there are people out there who believe the same thing as well. There is always so much opposition and people trying to bring out down, sometimes it gets overwhelming and I begin to feel bogged down.

But then I try to remember the reason why I'm doing this. And it boils down to the fact that I know that it is worth it. The sleepless nights, the endless studying and the moments where I just feel so overwhelmed that I want to grab a pillow and scream, I know that it will be worth it.

My kids will thank me one day. I'll be happy with my accomplishment and I know that the Lord will help me get through things.

I just need to trust.

Family Photos

Well, we were fortunate enough this last weekend to have our family photos taken! And I'm so excited to see them today. They are amazing and wonderful and I love them...though I'm overly critical of how I look in them...stupid I know but anyway....

Rachelle is the one who did our photos. Her price was $40! Talk about an amazing deal! We simply couldn't pass up such an opportunity. And we are so excited with how they look. I will make sure to update my blog pictures for you to enjoy!

And if anyone is interested in seeking her out for pictures, you can either call her or e-mail. She's really good about responding quickly.

Here's her blog: lareephotography.blogspot.com

Thanks again Rachelle!

Les Miserables

Alright I'll admit something to you guys: I've never seen nor read "Les Miserables." Sad to say right? Well I'm saying it. I'm admitting that I've never been exposed to this piece of literature and music.

Until today that is.

And man, what an amazing thing it is!

Jonathan rented the 25th edition concert of the play from redbox and we sat down to watch it. And though it wasn't the complete play, the concert ran through the music in such away that you undersand the story and you find yourself enraptured with the developing story.

All I can say now is that I really need to read the book and go see the actual musical.

Agreed?

Oh! But something funny before I go: one of the characters in this concert was a Jonas brother (the first thing I noticed actually). Is it sad that I noticed that?

Girls Night

Tonight I had the ability (thanks to my saint of a husband) to go and see a friend of mine, Darby. This was a wonderful experience and one that I think I was in sore need of.

We started the evening at Miracle Bowl where we bowled two games...I may have been slaughtered horrendously, but oh well. And after that we went back to Darby's wonderful apartment where we made yummy fondue and then proceeded to devous said chocolate yumminess while watch "Stardust" It was wonderful.

It was also fun to get to know some of Darby's in-laws. They were so much fun to be around and I had a great time! I hope that we can spend more time together.

But, I did miss my little ones :) and my husband of course.

A Confession to you...

I'm apologizing, first and foremost, for not updating when i said I would. But can I just offer a simple explaination as to why this did not happen?


You see these last few weeks have been tiring for me, both physically andmentally. I've felt at my wits end trying to figure everything out and to get through with all the things that I've needed to do. And these last few days in particular have really taken it out of me. I've had so many different emotions running through my head that it's been hard to focus and feel determined to get anything done.

A couple days ago I was sitting in one of my classes and I just kept thinking about how frustrated I was and how I felt as though I wasn't doing anything worth while. I felt as though all my hard work was falling by the wayside and I was simply stuck in the same place and would remain there forever. This thought upset me of course and I began to become discouraged. And as the hours ticked by the feeling began to overwhelm me until I was completely in tears. It was a terrible feeling and great moment of weakness for me.

I figured that I was just being emotional and that a good night sleep would help calm me. Unfortunately it did not. In fact, I felt even more hopeless and useless than I had the previous day. This did not bode well for me. I began to wonder why I was even trying and why I even felt that I was important in the first place...talk about a stupid thing to do right? So long story short: another crummy day.

Today didn't start much better either, but as I was sitting in an English lecture I kept thinking about why I love writing and why I love my family and why I am here. And you know what? The answers were simple and they rang true: I love writing because it frees me. It makes me happy. It allows me to create something beautiful. I love my family because they are treasures. They bring me joy and fill my life with such sweet memories...I couldn't give them up for anything on this earth. And why am I here? Well I don't really know the answer to that just yet...but I know that I'm here for a reason. I'm not useless and I'm not a mistake. I was meant to be who I am. I was meant to be here...and I was meant to do something with my life
What a difference those thoughts have made! My spirit has been brightened considerably and I am grateful for the reprieve from sadness and despair. I don't like feeling that way, but sometiimes the pressure builds and you find yourself falling apart. And that's when I need to rely on Christ the most...and sometimes I forget that...I think we all forget that.

He can heal anything. Christ, above all others, knows our hearts. He loves us. He loves me. I know I don't always recognize it...call it a human lack of perception, but it is the truth. And I've got to start appreciating Christ's love for me more and accepting his help when I truly do need it. He'll always be there for me.
So, I apologize for not having posted sooner...life was hectic...but I will be more diligent in getting things written for you. I hope that there's someone out there who reads my blog and enjoys what they find here.

Until next time then,

Day 24: Blogging Fail

Yep I missed a few days...I know I know...I made a promise that I would write every day, but I do have an excuse for why I didn't post anything the last two days. One of the reasons was that I was out of town and simply didn't have the ability to write while driving. And when I got home, I wasn't feel too well and just fell asleep instantly.

I will however tell you the funny story that I was trying to post about the other day but was unable to do so. Now my brother J, came in from visitng with his friends. He walked in and stated in an excited voice, "you'll never believe this! There's a cat on the highest roof!" Now if you must understand that my parents' house is rather large and their top most roof is incredibly tall, and so to see a cat up there is quite the sight! And of course when my brother B heard this, he decided to go investigate. And what ended up happening was that they both went back outside and were throwing rocks at the creature, when suddenly it spread it wings and took off. It was then that they realized that the animal was not in fact a cat, but an owl.

Now if that doesn't get you laughing, I'm sure this story will: As I sat down that night trying to write about what had happened to my brothers, I was getting so drowsy. At one point I must have fallen asleep because I woke up quite suddenly. Thinking I had posted on my blog I fell back asleep until later in the morning. As I got up the next day I checked my blogspot and realized that I had not, in fact posted my blog. Feeling rather stupid, I decided to post my blog anyway after I determined what else I wanted to write about my day. As I started reading I noticed that at one point I was talking about my brothers and then I started talking about giant tarantulas. Apparently I was writing in my sleep because I can't recall having written anything of the sort...

Yeah, I thought you'd get a kick out of that...

Day 21: Visiting!

Welp, I'm down here in Kanab visiting my family. And I must say this is a lot of fun. I've missed seeing my parents and it's so nice to be able to talk to my siblings. Ben and I have spent several hours talking about how he's excited to go on his mission. He just got his papers in and is anxious to hear back about where he is going to go preach the gospel. And I must confess that I'm anxious as well! It's so exciting!

The kids are also really excited to be down here. Hannah has done nothing but talk about her "gamma" and her "ashie." She absolutely loves them. And Liam is excited to be able to explore such a big place and get into all sorts of stuff! It's been fun.

One thing that would make this trip better is if Jonathan were here. I miss him. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to come down with us and I really miss talking to him. He's my sweetheart and I couldn't imagine a world without him in it.

Overall this weekend is starting on a happy note!

Day 20: Visiting

I"m excited to say that I'm going to see my daddy tomorrow! He's home and I'm excited to go and visit him. He hasn't met Hudson yet, but He will soon enough. Also, a great thing happened for me this week. I've been so stressed with the tight schedule that I have been given for all of my assignments, but thankfully because of my professor's own hectic schedule, he's reassigned the due day to next week. That gives me a a bit more time to get things all organzied and written...or at  least that's what I hope happens!

Day 19: Exercising

After having a baby, let's face it, our bodies are not as perfect as they used to be. For most women that is...there are some who are able to shrink back down to pre-pregnancy size without any trouble. But for me, it takes a few months. So I've decided to start exercising each day to help aid in that process. This may seem a little difficult considering I have 3 small children at home and not much time to myself. Conveniently I've found this website that has some free exercise videos. I've started doing this workout routine that ends up in me walking 2 miles in half an hour. It's quite the heart rate workout and I'm enjoying it.

Day 18: Being A Writer; Finding Deeper Meaning

Lately, as I've been doing research and analysis papers for my English classes, I've wondered whether or not my novel has a deeper meaning. I've been studying Milton's works, especially "Paradise Lost," and I've noticed that there are so many deeper meanings that can be gleaned from reading his works. And I think that's the mark of a truly great writer: to have meaning beyond the simple plain textual reading. I wonder if I'm achieving that with my novel. Will people read my works and try to delve deeper into the story in order to understand some hidden meanings? Will I be a good enough writer to garner that type of attention?








I've wondered that...

Day 17: Family

Families are crazy! I decided long ago that families are absolutely strange...but I think that's what makes them so wonderful. There are so many different dynamics and personalities surrounding one another. It's exciting and unique and a wonderful institution. I'm grateful for my family.

Today, the kids have been rather rambunctious and loud and cranky...and all sorts of different things. But for the life of me, and despite the frustrations that it can cause, I would never have it any other way. I love my children and I love everything about them. I love Hannah's sweet attempts at trying to be such a big girl. I love Liam's sweet nature and fun, adventurous attitude. And I love Hudson's sweet smile and cheerful nature. My children are so amazing. I'm so thankful to have them. And I hope that I can be worthy for them and teach the what Heavenly Father would have me teach them.

Day 16: Something I'm grateful for

I've come to realize today that I have so many things that I am grateful for. One thing in particular that I am grateful for is my husband. I'm so grateful for all the things that he has done for me. I'm grateful for the unconditional love that he has for me and the joy that he brings to my life. When life gets tough, he's there to boost my spirit. I'm so grateful for the example he sets for me. His determination at his job and his desire to provide a good life for his family is admirable. I'm so thankful to have him.

I love you Jonathan

Day 15: Christ-like love

I've been thinking a lot today about the Savior and the love that he has for each of us. I tend to get down on myself about my shortcomings. I expect to be perfect and to always say and do the right things and when that doesn't happen I feel as though I've failed. Now this isn't a result of any sort of trauma in my life, this belief in perfection is actually a very common mentality among women, I've come to find. We expect so much out of ourselves that when we don't live up to those expectations, we're our worst critics and feel rather stupid.

At any rate, it'snot wodner that sometimes we can become so down-trodden and depressed! Now this brought me to the thought that perhaps I need to take a more Christ-like approach to how I view myself. Initially I never really thought that I wasn't being fair to myself. I just expected to work harder and always be better. But I've come to realize that I never truly forgive myself for the mistakes that I make. I don't allow myself to move forward at times, and I hold myself back with such a stubborn attitude. The funny thing is, is that I'd never even think to act like that towards another person...kinda ironic eh? Well I've realized that I'm not being Christ-like to myself. I'm not having that love towards myself and an understanding that I'm not perfect and that Heavenly Father loves me even despite that fact. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. He merely wants me to TRY. That's the key to it all. To simply try my best and pray and keep him in my heart is the key to success! I'm such a dunce sometimes!

So today, I decided to devote myself to seeing the good, not only in the world, but also in me. Sure there are things I'd like to change about me (*cough* baby weight *cough*) but I'm not going to become hard on myself and bring my spiritual appreciation for myself down. I'll continually strive to build myself and others up constantly. I think that's what Christ would want me to do, don't you?

Day 14: Bowling

We took the kids bowling this evening (Jonathan had an early day of work) and they had a blast! Hannah actually beat us terribly at the game. She scored well over two hundred points and I barely made it over one hundred! Talk about embarassing! And Liam was not far behind Hannah's score. So I was the loser of the family tonight! But that's alright. It was fun to watch my babies have a blast at the bowling alley.

Thankfully, because of their little adventure at the bowling lanes, they were rather tuckered out and went to sleep quite willingly. Yay! It was an easy evening! And I'm so thankful for that! It's been a long day! I'm almost ready for bed!

Day 13: What I wish...

Sometimes I wish I had more time to do everything that I'd like. I love spending time with my kids, but sometimes I wish I could have more time to spend with them! I want to always sit down and have time to write but then a million other things pull me way. I often feel bad about things not getting done and my time being eaten up, but alas there isn't much I can do about it. I just need to stay in a good relationship with my children and help them to know how much I love them. That's the most important thing to me.

I just hope I can be good enough to meet the challenge.

Day 12: I'm bushed!

Well, this is going to be a rather short and boring post I'll have to say. I'm simply too tired to come up with something remotely interesting to write. I will give you a recap of the day: The kids were super cranky today. Liam didn't want to take a nap and took his diaper off four separate times. Hannah didn't end up taking a nap, but beyond that she refused to use the batheroom like a big girl. She threw and absolute fit about it. It's a little frustrating to say the least! But they are funny and sweet kids and I love them to pieces! We'll just have to see how tomorrow goes, eh?

Also, I"m still working on my novel. I will get it done! I'm detemrined! :) And soon enough the semester will be ending and then I'll have a little more freetime to get some serious writing down.

Alright, it's bedtime for me

See ya!

Day 11: Wondering

Today has been a long day to say the least! I'm already exhausted but also excited about life. Things are going well...we've started looking for a three bedroom apartment to move into whenever the time is right...three kids makes the need for more room! But I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm grateful to have such amazing children.

Also, a note of excitement for you all: my brother just submitted his mission papers! Needless to say I'm so excited for him. He's such a good kid and I'm really proud of him and his desire to want to go on a mission. I know he's going to do amazing...now all we have to do is wait and speculate as to where he's going! Any guesses?

Also I've been doing a lot of thinking...I've been think about my life and my dreams...I've always dreamt about becoming a writer. I love writing. I love creating something from my imagination...I love being able to express myself through words...but sometimes I get frustrated and down on myself. I doubt that I can do this. I don't think that anyone would really be interested in my writing...and the process of finding someone and getting the novel published seems insurmountable at times...it's enough to bring you to the brink of insanity and really depress you. It's a hard process to go through.

But I know that if I just keep trying I'll be happy. No matter what happens in my writing career I know that I will only be happy if I write. Writing to me is an expression of the soul. I know that as long as I keep writing I'll be living my dream...ultimately yes it would be nice to be published, but in the end it doesn't really matter. I write because I want to, not because I want money...I write because it's my passion.

And that's all I've got to say on that!

Day 10: Snowy Monday

Well it's Monday again...what can I say other than I already wish that it was Friday! I'm beat already. I had an essay and a test due today not to mention a few other minor assignments. But I'm still beat. I even fell asleep on the couch this afternoon with Hudson. What a day!

And on top of that it's been snowing in an absurdly annoying manner. Add on to that the fact that Jonathan locked his keys inside is RUNNING car and couldn't get a hold of a locksmith to come bail him out so I had to drive up to West Valley to go and recue him...needless to say I HATE driving in the snow...I absolutely HATE IT!

But onto more exciting things. Today while I was studying for my test Hudson started squealing to get my attention. When I looked down at hm he was grinning and wiggling like crazy. It was adorable to see his big dimples and happy face. And then Hannah and Liam tried playing with their young brother and the three of them just melted my heart! They were all smiling and Hudson was squealing and Hannah and Liam were giggling. It was wonderful...it really makes me happy to be their mother when I see things like that. I love it...

Tomorrow I intend to take a nap however. We'll see if the kids are as happy as they were today. Let's hope so!

But until then...Au Revoir!

Day 9: School, Life, and Trying to Keep Up

I'm excited to write before I fall asleep again. I don't want to renig on this attempt to write every day and I sincerely hope that I can continue doing so...

Well to say that this Sunday has been as restful as I would have liked it...I've been insanely busy and the children have been less than happy...but that's what happens when your church is at one in the afternoon (right when it is nap time around here)...but I shall not complain. Life is going well and I'm happy.

I will say however, that I am feeling the pressure today. I realized that I don't have much longer left with this semester and for that I am rather thankful. After this semester is over however I've decided to continue on for the spring and summer semesters as well. Many people think I'm crazy and sometimes I may agree with them. Most people don't understand how I'm able to be a mother and a student at the same time and I have to agree with that assessment. I don't understand it myself most days. But what I've come to find out is that I don't really think about it too much. Graduating from BYU has been a goal of mine for many years now and I know that in the long run it will be what is best for my family. It is important to me to do this. Not only to show I am capable of doing something, but to show my children that anything is possible. They are the ones that I'm doing this for now. They are my inspiration and I will do all that I can to show them that I want to be the best mother I can for them.

A saying I try to remember is this: "I never said it would be easy...I only said it would be worth it." That's my motto in every aspect of who I am. I know that it won't always be easy to be a mother or to be a student or a writer and a mother and a student or whatever else may come my way, but I know that the Lord is looking out for me and that I can accomplish things and be the person that I want to. It is worth it. It may not be easy, but it is worth it.

Day 8: Blogger Fail

Like it or not, I have, unfortunately, missed a day in my blogging...but here's the excuse...I had every intention of writing in my blogs last night, but then at 2:30 I woke up startled...apparently I had fallen asleep on the couch and my husband neglected to wake me up! So not only did I not get all of my homework done, but I forgot to blog...alas I have failed...I can offer no other reasoning behind missing a post, but I promise to be more diligent in writing...I'll be posting again later tonight (barring any unforseen sleep attacks that is...) So until then...

Day 7: Fires, and Failed Foods

Well, today was interesting to say the least...but before I get to that forgive me for the proceedingly short post. I have a migraine and am getting rather tired. So, anyway, yeah...

As I said before, today was interesting. In an attempt to bake something for my english class, I managed to overflow the desserts I was making and consequently started a fire in my oven...it was quite the sight to see I  must say. Poor Jonathan. He must have thought I was completely incompitent. Ah well...the really ironic thing was, was that I was sitting there and stating that I felt like Julia Child with my wonderful cooking prowess...talk about a humbling experience eh?

The kids this week have been rather difficult. Hudson hasn't been feeling well and has been excessively cranky. Poor kid. I feel rather sorry for him. I think it has to do with the shots he received last week at his two month appointment. Let's just hope that this coming week will be much better. And Hannah has been getting better about going potty like a big girl, though it is a great work in progress...and Liam? Well Liam and I have been having difficulties this week. He's been far too curious and getting into far too many things, but he's a sweetheart and I know that the terrible twos will be just a passing moment that will get better in time...hopefully.

Anyway, I'm going to get ready for bed...after I try to get some studying done...maybe...we shall see...

Until tomorrow...

Day 6: I'm Blessed.

Plain and simple: I'm blessed with an amazing family.They are so sweet and cute and amazingly wonderful. I truly am blessed to have them in my life.

It's nice to try and sit down everyday and write a little bit on my blogs. I need to stay on track and keep updating. It's kind of nice to write how I feel. Even if it is a littly tiny bit right now....but I'm tired, so it's off to bed with me soon!

Day 5: Struggling

I'd be an untrue blogger if I only wrote about happy things and lied to you readers. That's not fair and I don't think that it is true to the integrity of what I'm trying to. My blog is meant to keep my friends and family informed about the lives of my little family here in Provo and I hope that I do that. I want people to see and know how we are feeling and what we are doing.

So today I'd like to talk about my children. Yes I know this is nothing new. But what I want to talk about is how unfairly blessed I think I've been and how ungrateful I've been today. Heavenly Father truly blessed my life by giving me three amazing children. I really couldn't ask for more than that and yet he never ceases to bless me. It's amazing to observe the amount of love that I receive from my three little children. And it's amazing to see how much love the exude towards others. I feel so honored to be there mother, though very inadequate. Today, I wasn't as patient with my darling daughter as I should have been. I snapped at her and was not very kind. And it took me a few minutes to apologize to her. I was in the wrong completely and utterly. And I feel terrible about it. Here I've been so blessed with amazing children and I go and snap at them. Talk about unfair! I don't feel as though I deserve my children. They are so good and most of the time I don't feel like I will ever measure up to the standard that I need to be at in order to be a good parent to them.

Sorry for being so depressing, but my heart wishes to much to be a good mother and I want to show my children how much I care about them. I hate it when I slip up and make mistakes and I know that I need to try harder to be better for. Some days, though, it can get under my skin and make me sad. Like today...

Day 4: Thinking...

Today Jonathan had to go to the emergency room. He swallowed some medicine and a pill got lodged in his trachea, causing him to wheeze. Thankfully he's alright but we have to watchin him tonight and then call the pulmonary specialist tomorrow morning. That way, if he is still having trouble he will have to have a camera placed down his throat to remove the pill. Right now he's feeling a little bit better, but he's still in some pain...we shall wait and see.

Also, today, I've been thinking...and not just ruminating about small things...I'm thinking about a lot of things lately...like my purpose...my goals...my talents...my family...so many thoughts keep running through my head and they cause me to feel so many different emotions sometimes it's hard to stabilize my thoughts and keep myself from freaking out...do I sound crazy yet? Sorry...anyway, add my emotions to those of the characters that I'm working on in my novel and you have one very complicated set of emotions running around...it can get confusing and interestingly odd. Have I confused you? Probably...

Anyway, I'm really happy...honest! My children are wonderful and I love them dearly. Jonathan is happy and healthy and I'm grateful to have him. I'm grateful for so many things and I have so much to love and so many people who I love. I truly feel so blessed.

Day 3: Happy Birthdays! And other things...

I know I've said this the last few days but I am so tired today! I went to bed at two last night and got up at six this morning to finish a paper for my class. This paper was one of my midterm exams and I hope that everything went well! Ugh...I'm sorta worried about it, but being OCD that's not an uncommon feeling for me. I find that I stress about everything under the sun...especially being perfect...stupid I know but that's who I am...

Anyway, today we celebrated Hannah's birthday. I can't believe that she's already three years old! It's amazing! And yet at the same time it's really sad...I miss my baby girl being little (alrigth she's not that tall) but I wouldn't change the experiences that I have with her at this age. It's wonderful. Tonight for instance, as I was putting the kids to bed, Hannah wanted a hug and as I leaned down to give her a hug, she leaned up and gave me a big kiss on the forehead and wrapped her arms around my neck. Needless to say my heart melted...wouldn't yours? Liam was just as cute...he kept trying to shake my hand! It was hilarious.

For dinner tonight we had a delicious soup and "happies" as Hannah would call them. That term denotes cupcakes and she was so excited to help me make them. Hannah and Liam both took turns stirring the batter for me. And after I had frosted the chocolate cupcakes with pink cherry frosting we lit candles and sang "Happy Birthday" to Hannah. She was so happy and excited to blow out the candles.

Needless to say it was a good day :)

Day 2: A really quick note

Seeing as how it's rather late and I'm more than a little tired, this post will be short and too the point. I have school tomorrow and I feel overwhelmed at the moment. I have an essay test due and being the perfectionist that I am, I want everything to be worded correctly immediately as I write it. So I need to get some sleep because I am tired and my brain is a little overloaded from trying to process a variety of things all at once today. Wish me luck with that.

In other news, Hannah dressed up as a tinkerbell for church today. We decided to let her dress up because her birthday is tomorrow (technically speaking though it doesn't exist for another year) and we wanted her to feel special. She was so excited to go to church as a "pwincess" as she calls herself.

A new trick that Hudson learned is to roll over. I cannot believe it. He's not supposed to do that just yet! We're going to have a handful of curious baby in our lives...*deep breath*

And Liam? He's as curious as ever. The other day he walked into the kitchen and pulled a pitcher full of koolaid onto the floor, spilling it everywhere...alas I could only laugh at the situation...

Well that's all for now! I'll write again!

Day 1

Technically speaking it is Sunday, but since I haven't gone to bed I consider this to still be day 1 for me. So I'll count it as day 1 dangit! Anyway here's a little ramble from me:

I promise to get an update on here of all the things that have happened this past month. It has been a really hectic month and I want to do it justice by explaining everything in as much detail as possible. And that's simply not possible if I'm trying to rush and "catch up" as it were...or at least that's what would normally happen.

Can I just say that some days are WAY better than others? And today happens to not be one of my better days. This day has been filled with moments that have made me want to scream and then burst into tears. It's been so frustratingly depressing and scary and tiring all at the same time. I honestly don't know what to do...ugh...

I think that I walked to equivilant of 4 miles today...not sure if it is more or less, but I'll tell you one thing: my legs sure are tired! Sheesh...not to mention the fact that it was 17 degress outside...

Anyway that's all for now. I really need to get some sleep and hopefully gain some sanity.

365 Challenge

Alright, so I've already posted this twice before...once on my other blog and then again on my tumblr, but here we go again...I'll spare you the long winded version and just cut to the chase: I have decided that I am going to be a better writer and how I plan to achieve this is by writing consistently. So, I've challenged myself to write every single day on my blogs and in my journal and keep updated in my life. By doing this I hope to hone my writing skills as well as stay sane by getting my thoughts out on paper instead of stuck in my head. Sound good? I thought you'd say that...haha...starting tomorrow we begin the challenge...if I can do this you will have an amazing array of postings to contend with from me! Hopefully that's a good thing eh? Well then, wish me luck!