Let's Revamp...again

You know, for being a writer by nature, I'm rather pathetic at this whole 'consistent blogging' thing.
What a pity, really. I really do enjoy writing.
But, let's give this another go, eh?
And with that in mind, let me just give a quick update (of sorts) on life lately.
I GRADUATED!
A year ago, mind you. But it happened!
AND
JONATHAN GRADUATED!
I'm really proud of him.
Hannah's almost done with Kindergarten (can you believe that?! I can't)
Liam is almost done with Preschool.
Hudson WANTS to go to Preschool this coming year.
Tucker is almost 2! I can hardly fathom that.

And a big announcement:

I was accepted into the graduate program at BYU in English. What an honor that was. I didn't think I'd get in, but I guess the Lord saw fit for me to be there?
I was also accepted as a graduate instructor to teach a writing 150 class in the fall.
THAT is terrifying and it's got my nerves in a jumble because it will mean that my kids will have a few hours of day care or a babysitter. And I'm wrestling with this notion that I might be letting them down, or not being a good enough mother to them.
That I'm being selfish.
And I just...I really just want to do the right thing. There has to be a reason I got into the graduate program, right? There also has to be a reason why I was hired as an instructor, right?

Maybe they pitied me?

*sigh*

Okay, enough of my internal struggles. I'll probably post about it again later. For now, though, I must say that I also have a few summer projects going on as well. One of which is to finish editing my novel. I've set a goal to have it done before the end of the summer. And that means ALL of it. Edited and ready to send off.
Big undertaking? Probably. Am I excited about it? YES.
Like I said, I LOVE writing and I've been doing a TON of writing this past year. I did an exercise (a piece of fiction) to improve my skills and it turned into a 200,000 word piece that I wrote in 4 months...so, that should give you an indicator of how much I love doing this stuff.
On top of that, there are a few contests I want to enter coming up, as well as spending some quality time with my children.
That's the main goals. :)

So, that's it for now. I'll (hopefully) update again soon. Maybe with some pictures even?

Weigh-In-Wednesday

Well I didn't post yesterday...or last week for that matter. I apologize for that! But I didn't forget. Honestly. I didn't. Life was just...hectic. But I'm back! And I have been keeping track of things for you guys.

To do a quick little catch up. Last week I had lost a pound! Yes! And this past week I took a break and let my legs heal up. They were hurting pretty terribly. But I still weighed myself this last Wednesday....

And I still lost a pound! Yes YES!

I was very pleased by this information.

Thankfully though I ran again this week and my legs aren't hurting too much. So I can really get back into doing that. That is if it isn't so blasted HOT!

And I promise that the next post I publish on here I will get you all caught up with the babies! And I'll even include pictures and whatnot!

Promise!

Weigh-In-Wednesday

Sorry guys for the late post...but it is still Wednesday so I'm not too terribly late...

I'm starting to get a really nasty cold and it sucks and to top it off Hudson and Tucker have been having a rather difficult time sleeping, i.e. They've been up literally all night twice now. Which means no sleep for this little mama...

And then running has been hard going because of some major leg pain. Wrapping does help a bit, but it still just kills me sometimes.

Never fear, though! I'm still determined to get my times better and continue to run because I absolutely enjoy the feeling. It's a great de-stressor for me and I cherish that time to simply reboot my batteries.

Anyway, onto the weigh-in

The result for this week are as follows:

Nothing lost.

But nothing gained.

I stayed the same.

I would have preferred a loss, but I'll take not gaining anything as well. I know the reasons WHY I didn't lose anything and I'm okay with it.

I'll just kick this nasty cold and get back to work this next week!

Wish me luck.

Weigh-in-Wednesday

I believe I mentioned last week that there was a discrepancy between my scale here at home and my mother's and sister's scales down in Kanab. And it isn't a little discrepancy either. It was several pounds difference. So, the husband and I bought a new scale. So I'm starting at a new number right now.

And the results are going to be rather tricky.

If I go according to my weigh-in last week on my own scale then I've suddenly last 5.8 pounds.

If I go according to my weigh-in on my mother's scale then I've lost a pound.

It seems that our new scale is measuring like the scales down in Kanab, so I think we can assume that I've lost a pound this week. Which is awesome!

However, what's not so awesome is the fact that I seem to have shin splints from running. When we got back home I sort of overdid my run...by like 2 extra miles down and up hills (because I was running down to the store for my sick husband) on top of my normal run. My legs have been dying every since. And when I went running last night I was hurting bad. I did some research and sure enough my "symptoms" point to shin splints, which isn't uncommon for a flat footed runner like myself.

Le Sigh...

So I'll need to wrap my legs before I go running and really ice them down to relieve some of this swelling and pain. It's a bummer, but it's not going to stop me.

Though it may make me take it easy this week.

We'll see!

Weigh-In-Wednesday...err...Friday

Well I would have updated the blog on Wednesday but the family and I were travelling to see my little sister graduate from high school and I just couldn't get to a computer in all the chaos.

I did, however, remember to weigh myself that day and the funny thing is, I discovered my scale has been weighing me wrong this whole time! I weighed myself a couple times and each time I got a different reading. Go figure. Down at my mom's however, I weighed myself on two different scales and they gave me about the same results.

And they were good results I'll tell you!

According to those scales I've lost 4.8 pounds since last week! Talk about awesome right?

Beyond the weigh-in though, I've been doing some hard core running and I've gotten my 3.8 mile run done in 30 minutes! Progress is awesome right?! I'm pretty happy about it.

Now the next thing on the agenda is to buy a new scale that will tell me the truth. Sheesh.

Let Me Be Brutually Honest:

Bear with me. This is going to be a very honest blog post because...well...I just feel like I need to share a few personal thoughts today.

Let me start by stating that I'm a perfectionist through and through. I know that I struggle sometimes to reconcile my imperfections with the reality that I don't NEED to be perfect in order to be a good person. But, you know, sometimes it's hard to realize that your best is still not THE best. Does that make sense?

Of course this imperfection has led to some critical thoughts about myself. Honestly, I sometimes look in the mirror and cringe at what I see. I'm not particularly accepting of my appearance, specifically my eyes. And if you know me, you know why.

But for those of you who DON'T know or have overlooked, let me clarify.

I have ambylopia and strabismus which prevent my eyes from aligning properly. In basic English, one eye is focused slightly to side while the other gazes straight ahead.

People like to call it a lazy eye.

Believe me when I say that I hate that term.

My problem is that my eyes actually switch off on which one is focusing at a time. One eye focuses too much while the other focuses too little. So I only see out of one eye at a time.

Weird right?

This is a major reason why I don't like MY picture being taken and I really don't like to see pictures of me. I feel awkward and out of place...

Anyway, this has made me extremely self-conscious and judgmental of my appearance. I'd by lying if I didn't say that sometimes I'd look at my beautiful, gorgeous sisters, and wish that I was more like them.

SEE?! Aren't they beautiful?

 They don't have this problem. They're perfect. They're gorgeous and what am I?

'Second rate. Unattractive. Ugly.'-my mind loves to whisper.

Seriously have you met my sisters? They're tall and beautiful and I just look at them and I feel so...so...

plain. And short. Definitely short.

And that's not their fault at all. My sisters always tell me how pretty ALL of us are, including me, and how it's not possible for anyone in our family to believe they are unattractive because our parents are so amazingly good looking (which is true). And Jonathan tells me all the time how I'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen and it makes me smile (and cry a little I admit)

But the doubt still niggles at the back of my mind alway resurfacing at my vulnerable moments.

Their kind words don't change the confused looks I get when I go grocery shopping and the cashier looks behind them to see what I'm looking at. And their kind words don't stop people from asking 'what's wrong with my eyes' or 'what am I looking at' or 'Did you know that you aren't focusing on me?'

The worst is when people look at me and then avert their eyes so they don't have to acknowledge there's a problem.

When I was a child, I even had my peers run away from me, giggling and teasing about my eyes and how I looked so strange.

It does wonders for the self esteem. (heavy sarcasm implied here)

Now this isn't supposed to be a depressing post. In fact, there is a great moral to this story.

These experiences have taught me a lot about myself and about others.

One of these things is that I really really need to stop judging myself so harshly. And I really need to stop thinking that I'm not beautiful in my own way. God created me in his own image. He created my body. And God never creates sometime ugly. All his creations exude beauty and light and joy. I need to love myself and be happy with who I am.

I am beautiful. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

Another thing I've learned through the years is that you cannot understand a person's life merely by their appearance. You don't see all the unique qualities they possess or the trials they've experienced. It is best, then, not to judge, and focus instead on loving others for WHO they are.

I've always taken great comfort in this scripture:

1 Samuel 16:7: "For the Lord said, Look not on his countenance or the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for The LORD seeth not as a man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the HEART."



 

Weigh-in-Wednesday 3

Well another week down! I'll just start by saying this last week did NOT go as planned in the areas of exercise. We had family visiting from out of town and then the dreaded stomach flu made the rounds so getting out and running or exercising at home was nearly impossible for me this week. I did get a few opportunities though, which was good...

Results:

loss of 1.6 pounds! Water consumption is awesome for the body. :)

Mostly, I'm just glad that everyone around here is starting to feel better and that life has calmed down in general. Hudson still has some tummy troubles in the evening but we're hoping things will officially cease--illness wise--today.

So, this next week the plan is to amp up the exercise, eat healthy, and stay motivated.

Wish  me luck!