A Confession to you...

I'm apologizing, first and foremost, for not updating when i said I would. But can I just offer a simple explaination as to why this did not happen?


You see these last few weeks have been tiring for me, both physically andmentally. I've felt at my wits end trying to figure everything out and to get through with all the things that I've needed to do. And these last few days in particular have really taken it out of me. I've had so many different emotions running through my head that it's been hard to focus and feel determined to get anything done.

A couple days ago I was sitting in one of my classes and I just kept thinking about how frustrated I was and how I felt as though I wasn't doing anything worth while. I felt as though all my hard work was falling by the wayside and I was simply stuck in the same place and would remain there forever. This thought upset me of course and I began to become discouraged. And as the hours ticked by the feeling began to overwhelm me until I was completely in tears. It was a terrible feeling and great moment of weakness for me.

I figured that I was just being emotional and that a good night sleep would help calm me. Unfortunately it did not. In fact, I felt even more hopeless and useless than I had the previous day. This did not bode well for me. I began to wonder why I was even trying and why I even felt that I was important in the first place...talk about a stupid thing to do right? So long story short: another crummy day.

Today didn't start much better either, but as I was sitting in an English lecture I kept thinking about why I love writing and why I love my family and why I am here. And you know what? The answers were simple and they rang true: I love writing because it frees me. It makes me happy. It allows me to create something beautiful. I love my family because they are treasures. They bring me joy and fill my life with such sweet memories...I couldn't give them up for anything on this earth. And why am I here? Well I don't really know the answer to that just yet...but I know that I'm here for a reason. I'm not useless and I'm not a mistake. I was meant to be who I am. I was meant to be here...and I was meant to do something with my life
What a difference those thoughts have made! My spirit has been brightened considerably and I am grateful for the reprieve from sadness and despair. I don't like feeling that way, but sometiimes the pressure builds and you find yourself falling apart. And that's when I need to rely on Christ the most...and sometimes I forget that...I think we all forget that.

He can heal anything. Christ, above all others, knows our hearts. He loves us. He loves me. I know I don't always recognize it...call it a human lack of perception, but it is the truth. And I've got to start appreciating Christ's love for me more and accepting his help when I truly do need it. He'll always be there for me.
So, I apologize for not having posted sooner...life was hectic...but I will be more diligent in getting things written for you. I hope that there's someone out there who reads my blog and enjoys what they find here.

Until next time then,